The Potato Theory
by Slipsandfalls
Summary: A teeny tiny ficlet for user Steph Marks in which Dean decides it is time he tells Cas how he feels but when he goes to see him he is confronted with a less than expected sight. One-shot


Dean was finished. He was finished with Castiel. He was finished with that feeling he got in his stomach every time he went near Cas. He was finished with drinking at the bar to forget about Cas. He stood up, leaving Sam behind and went to the motel upstairs.

Dean marched into the motel room where he knew he would find Castiel watching television but as soon as he got there he was attacked. He prepared to fight but he found that Cas' weapon of choice was a pair of ladies underwear. A bra followed quickly, smacking the hunter in the face. He looked to Cas in a confused manner but it appeared that he was otherwise occupied closing his eyes tightly as young woman shimmied down his body and started doing something that made Dean shudder intensely with anger.

"Get. Out." Dean growled, his ferocity emanating from him.

Cas opened his eyes and looked up at Dean. He just laid there, blonde frozen on top of his dick.

Dean waited for one of them to say something. For Cas to explain himself. The tension in the room was almost palpable.

The crappy heater ticked and the wolf-like hunter repeated himself " Get. Out. Now!"

The girl got off of Cas, gathered her clothes (save for the underwear which Dean was still holding, but she wasn't about to ask for it back) and hurried out the door.

Dean watched her leave, sated himself and then turned back to Cas, pulsating with fury.

"Hello, Dean." The angel said calmly.

"What the fuck, Cas?!" Dean burst out, throwing his arms in the air.

Cas flinched "Lower your voice, Dean."

"Lower my voice? I came over here to tell you that _I love you _and I find you beneath some girl! And what is up with that? First of all, you have the sexual prowess of a potato! Second, are you even straight? You always stand so close to me and every time you stare at me- like you are doing right now- I feel like the titanic theme is about to play in the background. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I want to try a relationship or something and you get in bed with a girl and tell me to lower my voice?"

Cas pondered his words for a moment, human instinct ordering him to tug up a sheet to protect his decency, before finally answering "I am not so sure that potatoes are capable of intercourse, Dean, they are plants."

Dean gave him a look, which he could only guess looked something like his brother's bitch face, and then Cas sat up, serious. "Why was that girl here? And why was she about to deepthroat you?"

Castiel tilted his head, sighing. "Well, I suppose the surprise is ruined anyhow. I was attempting to broaden my sexual horizons, Dean, in hopes that I could then fornicate with you."

Dean blinked. "And you thought ordering yourself a blowjob off the menu was the way to go?"

Cas shrugged in defeat, "Alas, she hadn't even started before you came in. She made a show of undressing, which was truly a bore. I sit before you an unexperienced angel of the lord" Castiel looked at his lap, and Dean could've sworn he almost looked ashamed.

Dean felt a bubble in his chest, letting it escape from his mouth. Another, another and then he was laughing uncontrollably. "Cas." He gasped "You hired a hooker so you could have sex with me. And now you're ashamed that you are still a virgin?"

Cas frowned at him "I would appreciate it if you didn't make fun of my attempt at romance."

This made Dean laugh even harder, falling onto the bed backwards and rolling on it, holding his stomach. "Oh god," Dean whispered, wiping tears away "There are no words."

Cas frowned down at him, "Stop laughing."

Dean looked up at him, laughter dissipating, and held his hand out to Cas' face. He looked at him in awe for a few seconds before hooking his fingers around Cas' neck and bringing his face down, letting lips brush upon lips softly.

Cas settled into the kiss, taking to it like a pro, and Dean grinned beneath him.

Cas pulled back, meeting Dean's eyes "I love you too, Dean."

Dean rolled his eyes "Shut up, featherbrains."


End file.
